What is the 90-second rule?
The 90-second rule stems from neuroscientific observations attributed to neuroscientist Jill Boyd-Taylor. It refers to understanding how long the most powerful biological part of an emotional reaction in the body actually lasts.
The rule states that when we experience a strong emotion – be it anger, fear, sadness, or a strong craving, such as a desire for a cigarette, a certain food, or an impulse to procrastinate – a chemical reaction is triggered in the body. This reaction begins spontaneously and, from a purely neuroscientific perspective, also resolves spontaneously.
The strongest emotional wave usually lasts about a minute and a half, or about 90 seconds. After this time, the intensity of the emotion decreases on its own – if we don't add new thoughts to it during this time.
Why do emotions often last longer than 90 seconds?
In practice, we often experience that emotions last much longer. The reason for this is not the initial chemical reaction itself, but rather how we deal with it.
When we struggle with a strong emotion, trying to suppress it, deny it, redirect our attention, or pretend it doesn't exist, we are actually adding new energy to it. This creates a new emotional wave that can be even stronger than the first.
This way, we quickly find ourselves in a vicious cycle: the first wave triggers resistance, resistance triggers new thoughts, which in turn create a second, stronger wave. The emotion doesn't go away, but rather intensifies.
The position of a curious observer
What is most beneficial to us in these moments is to consciously change our attitude towards the emotion. Instead of fighting or fleeing, we take a stand a curious observer.
When an emotional wave arises, we first take a simple but very important step: we name the emotion. For example:
- »"I feel fear."«
- »"I feel anger."«
- »"I feel sad."«
- »"I feel a strong craving for a cigarette."«
This creates a certain distance between ourselves and the emotion.
Observing bodily sensations and thoughts
In the next step, we shift our attention to the body. We observe what is actually happening:
- Do we feel pressure in our chest?
- Tingling in the stomach?
- Tension in your shoulders or jaw?
- What thoughts arise?
It is important to simply perceive all of this, without judgment and without trying to change anything. We do not try to eliminate, calm down or analyze the emotion. We are simply present with the experience, as it is.
In this way, we gradually develop mindful presence.
How the emotional wave subsides
If we do not add new thoughts to the emotion and do not resist it, even the strongest emotional surge will calm down on its own within about 90 seconds. The wave that has come will – like every wave – move on.
This doesn't mean that the emotions disappear forever, but rather that the most intense part of the reaction passes. This creates space.
From reaction to conscious response
When the emotional wave subsides, we are no longer trapped in an automatic reaction. That's when we can choose.
Instead of an impulsive reaction, such as, »I really need a cigarette now,« we can choose a response that is more in line with us. A response that takes into account:
- our real needs,
- our health,
- our relationships,
- and what benefits us in the long run.
This is the essential difference between reacting and consciously responding.
Practical summary
The next time you experience a strong emotional outburst, try the following:
- Identify and name the emotion.
- Adopt an attitude of curiosity and alert observation.
- Observe your body sensations and thoughts without judgment.
- Don't try to change or push away the emotion.
- Allow the emotional wave to subside on its own.
You will notice that within about 90 seconds, even a very strong emotion loses its intensity. At that time, with more inner focus and clarity, you will be able to more easily choose the response that is truly appropriate for you in a given situation.